A few of my favorite one-liners:
"I don’t need glasses, but I’ve reached the age where
curiosity is greater than vanity.” – Red Skelton
"The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is
to forget it once.” – George Burns
"Housework won’t kill you, but why take the
chance?" – Phyllis Diller
"If God had intended man to fly, He’d have made
it easier to get to the airport." – Jonathan Winters
"I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member." – Groucho Marx
"My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we
met." – Milton Berle
"The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only
one whose answers I accept." – George Carlin
"The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat
slowly, and lie about your age." – Lucille Ball
"A day without sunshine is like, you know, night." –
Steve Martin
"Why do they call it rush hour when nothing
moves?" – Robin Williams
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