“My oldest daughter tried to kill me on Halloween. She
deliberately asked me to take her three children trick-or-treating. Before we
left the house, my daughter told her kids to behave themselves, be safe, have fun,
and not listen to a thing their grandfather said. Within a block I’d convinced
them otherwise. The only way to maximize one's haul is to eat candy along the
way. That way there's more room in the sack. The first rule of trick-or-treating
is to not go home until you’ve thrown up at least twice. I explained they
shouldn't waste time on pranks or vandalism. Those things could be done any night
of the year, whereas there’s only one night when people give out free candy. I’ve
no idea how I survived the night. In four hours, we covered Herriman, Riverton
and most of South Jordan. I had to walk fast, then jog and finally crawl to
keep up. Next year, I'm teaching my grandkids about drive-by trick-or-treating.”
– Robert Kirby
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