I occasionally buy Heather a 12-pack of A&W root beer,
because she loves it, because it doesn’t have caffeine (some root beers do) and
because she doesn’t mind sharing. A few weeks ago, I opened a can and poured
half into a glass with ice for Heather. The other half I poured into my
stainless-steel tumbler (a gift for the hospital volunteers) and stuck in my
stainless-steel straw (also a volunteer gift). I’d washed both the night before
and had left them to dry on the counter. I took a sip and realized instantly
something didn’t taste or feel right. I spat out a large, unhappy earwig. I’ve
never brushed my teeth with more energy. Afterwards I looked it up: earwigs are
safe to eat, though they’re best cooked. What does an earwig taste like? This
one was iodine-flavored, with strong hints of jalapeno. That may mean he’s
responsible for decimating my pepper plants. I should have swallowed him.
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