Saturday, 11 July 2020

A Dozen Bug Bottles


I occasionally buy Heather a 12-pack of A&W root beer, because she loves it, because it doesn’t have caffeine (some root beers do) and because she doesn’t mind sharing. A few weeks ago, I opened a can and poured half into a glass with ice for Heather. The other half I poured into my stainless-steel tumbler (a gift for the hospital volunteers) and stuck in my stainless-steel straw (also a volunteer gift). I’d washed both the night before and had left them to dry on the counter. I took a sip and realized instantly something didn’t taste or feel right. I spat out a large, unhappy earwig. I’ve never brushed my teeth with more energy. Afterwards I looked it up: earwigs are safe to eat, though they’re best cooked. What does an earwig taste like? This one was iodine-flavored, with strong hints of jalapeno. That may mean he’s responsible for decimating my pepper plants. I should have swallowed him.

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