Fruitcake gets no respect. Johnny Carson once said, “The
worst gift is fruitcake. There’s only one fruitcake in the entire world, and
people keep sending it to each other.” Jon Ronson claimed, “Friends are the
fruitcake of life—some nutty, some soaked in alcohol, some sweet.” Mike Leach
was rather blunt about it: “There's a reason they only serve fruitcake once a
year, because it's awful.” Many comics have weighed in on the fruit-studded
treat: “The difference between fruitcake and a king cobra is one is poisonous, and
the other is venomous.” “There's only one thing you can do with a fruitcake:
use it as a doorstop.” Or, “How many fruitcakes does it take to change a
lightbulb? None, you can't lift the fruitcake high enough.” January 3 is
Fruitcake Toss Day – a time to dispose of the fruitcake someone sent you last
month. You could either eat it, bin it, or send it to me.
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