Important Facts to Remember as You Grow Older:
Death is the number one killer in the world.
Life is sexually transmitted.
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one
can die.
Men have two emotions: hungry and horny, and they can’t tell
them apart. If you see a gleam in his eyes, make him a sandwich.
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a
person to use the Internet and they won’t bother you for weeks, months, maybe
years.
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the
hospital, dying of nothing.
All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no
attention to criticism.
In the 60’s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now
the world is weird, and people take Prozac to make it normal.
Life is like a jar of jalapeno peppers. What you do today
might burn your butt tomorrow.
Don’t worry about old age; it doesn’t last that long. –
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