Hello Gourd-eous!

“Roughly half the people in this country think they're in mortal danger from their own government. I see inefficiency and incompetence, but I've always seen that - regardless of which party's in office. Frankly, I welcome it. I don't like my big bureaucracies to be cold, calculating, enterprises driven by clear-headed singular vision. A cursory glance through history would indicate well-organized governments tend to enjoy well-organized parades, followed by well-organized ethnic cleansing. Which is why I celebrate the muddle-headed ineptitude of our democracy. As far as I'm concerned, a little confusion may keep trains from running on time, but it also keeps me from getting a one-way ticket in a cattle car. Are our tax dollars being misspent on poorly run social programs? You bet! But bureaucrats who can't find their ass with a flashlight and a mirror aren’t likely to find you either. To paraphrase Bobby McGee: ‘Freedom's just another word for who's in charge here?!’” – Chuck Lorre

State Fair Challenge Quilts

 

We dropped off this year’s challenge quilt at the state fair park last night. There were already several small wall hangings there, divided into four categories: pieced quilts, appliqued quilts, combination quilts, and those made by young quilters. As you might expect, nearly all the submitted quilts fell into the pieced category. From what I could tell, most of the other quilters were just as stymied by the “Vintage to Vogue” theme and by the busy 1930’s print as I was. I had hoped to get a glimpse of next year’s challenge fabric while we were there. In previous years, a quilt challenge volunteer would be slicing yardage into fat quarters while we dropped off quilts to be judged. I didn’t see any bolts, so I asked. It will be another Lori Holt 1930’s reproduction, a floral with a cream background and a larger print. And next year's theme will be "Anything Goes."

Sixteen Crabs

 

Last weekend we served KFC to the whole family. I made the gravy and mashed potatoes, buttermilk biscuits, coleslaw and corn on the cob. John picked up the chicken at the drive-through window. As usual, the grandkids treated the meal with heavy suspicion. The almost-six-year-old tried to feed her dinner to the dog. The just-turned-eleven-year-old said I should have sent Grandad to Chick-fil-A. He likes Chick-fil-A’s chicken, but KFC has “too many spices.” So, I looked it up. Those eleven secret herbs and spices aren’t so secret if you know how to Google. According to the Internet, both establishments have nearly identical recipes. The only difference I could see is KFC uses thyme, ginger and ground mustard, and Chick-fil-A adds sugar, MSG and pickle juice. Next week, we’ll probably just grill some hamburgers. There’ll be no tiny bones to threaten my Scottie, and no one will accuse me of feeding them too much spice.

Desert Wind

 

“Imagine being seventy-five and thinking how you never went swimming in the sea on a warm night because your thighs jiggled. Imagine realizing you never laughed until you couldn’t breathe because your teeth weren’t straight or white enough. You never embraced the sun on the beach because of the stretch marks on your stomach. You never allowed yourself to have fun because the pressure to look perfect consumed you. Imagine being seventy-five and realizing you’ve hidden yourself away for fear of being real. Imagine realizing all the years you wasted hating yourself, but now it’s too late to go swim in the sea at night. Now it hurts to laugh and you’re too weak to travel to the beach. Imagine realizing all this time you were perfect the way you were, but now it’s too late to do anything about it. Don’t let that happen. You deserve to realize you’re enough and always have been, before you’re seventy-five." – Lauren Dalton

Delectable Mountain

 

December of 1984, Zak Brown was a thirteen-year-old Jewish boy growing up in Los Angeles. He appeared on Wheel of Fortune that year, because that’s something kids in L.A. could do, at least during “Teen Week.” Zak vied against other kids in the hangman/roulette game for the chance to compete on air for prizes. Zak told Pat Sajak he was a White Sox fan, and his favorite subjects in school were math, science, and history. Then he solved a puzzle (the answer was “Wild Bill Hickock”) and won $3,050 and a “Christmas Gift Boutique.” I don’t know what he did with the gift boutique, but he spent every dime of his $3,050 buying a go-cart. He used the go-cart to kick-start a racing career. Zak quickly went pro and took 22 International Kart Federation wins, three titles, and even went as far as British Formula 3. Today, Zak Brown is the CEO of MacLaren F1 Racing. 

Thirteen Butterflies

 

“Where there is sunshine, shadows must be there too. Floods can bring destruction, but they usually bring life as well. Tears of grief often turn into tears of relief and happiness. Feelings of sadness when loved ones depart are later compensated with the joy of meeting again. In periods of war and destruction, many little acts of kindness and love are also happening for those with eyes to see, and ears to hear. Our world today is often characterized by fear and anxiety—fear of what the future might bring for us. But Jesus has taught us to trust and look unto Him in every thought; doubt not, fear not. Let us constantly make a very conscious effort to see both sides of every coin allotted to us in our lives. Even though both sides might sometimes not be immediately visible to us, we can know and trust that they are always there.” – Elder Mathias Held

Patchwork Pumpkin

 

In 1904, David Stickler was a 24-year-old soda jerk (he worked at a soda fountain, preparing and serving soft drinks, ice cream, and other treats) at the Tassel Pharmacy in Latrobe, Pennsylvania. David was fond of inventing new drinks, sundaes and other concoctions. On August 25, David sliced a ripe banana lengthwise, topped it with three scoops of ice cream (probably chocolate, vanilla and strawberry) sweet syrups, whipped cream, nuts and a maraschino cherry. Students at the nearby St. Vincent College flocked to David’s drug store to ask for his signature dish, which they called a “Doctor Dave’s Sundae.” During school breaks, the students would rave about their favorite dessert to the soda jerks in their home towns. In no time at all, banana splits were available everywhere. Tomorrow is National Banana Split Day, marking exactly 120 years since the invention of this yummy treat. 

Aunt Gracie's Closet

 We’re growing aubergine in the garden this year. So far, there’s only been one lonely eggplant, and the snails ate it. But there are several promising purple blossoms. We also have a single zucchini plant. (If you’ve ever planted more than one zucchini, you quickly learn never to do it again.) I’m watching it like a hawk, because it only takes a day or two for a “too small to pick” zucchini to become a squash monster. There are dozens of ears of corn, but none are ready to eat yet. We have easily enough tomatoes to feed the neighborhood, with more on the way. The blackberries are done, but there were enough for three pies, a cobbler, and a batch of ice cream. We’ve had several bell peppers as big as fists. But the biggest producers this year are clearly the grape vines. In a few weeks, we’ll be up to our eyeballs in jelly, juice and raisins.

Fifteen Crabs

 

It’s still too hot to get excited about using my oven. But summer doesn’t last forever. And when sweater weather finally gets here, this is at the top of my to-do list:

 

Butternut Lasagna

 

1 butternut squash, cleaned and halved

1 cup ricotta

1/2 cup shredded mozzarella

1/2 cup frozen spinach, thawed

Marinara

 

Coat squash with cooking spray; season with salt and pepper. Place prepared squash halves cut side down on parchment-covered baking sheet. Poke squash skin all over with fork. Bake at 400F for 40 minutes. In a medium bowl, stir together ricotta and spinach. Scoop out squash flesh – leaving enough attached to the skin for structural integrity. Add scooped squash flesh to ricotta/spinach mixture and blend. Stuff ricotta/spinach/squash mixture back into shells. Top with marinara and then mozzarella. Return to oven and continue baking at 400F until cheese is bubbly. Serve with a green salad and crusty bread.

Blue Butterfly

 

In honor of Senior Citizen’s Day, here are a few quotes about aging:

“Aging is not ‘lost youth’ but a new stage of opportunity and strength.” – Betty Friedan

“The longer I live, the more beautiful life becomes.” – Frank Lloyd Wright

“In the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.” – Abraham Lincoln

“Count your age by friends, not years. Count your life by smiles, not tears.” – John Lennon

“Aging has a wonderful beauty, and we should have respect for that.” – Eartha Kitt

“Age is just a number. Life and aging are the greatest gifts that we could possibly ever have.” – Cicely Tyson

“The ordinary experiences of aging alter and clarify your view of past, present and future.” – Edith Pearlman

“Aging is just another word for living.” – Cindy Joseph

“Beautiful young people are accidents of nature, but beautiful old people are works of art.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

Jade Plant

August 20 is National Bacon Lovers’ Day. I’m not entirely convinced we need a National Bacon Lovers’ Day. After all, is there anyone who doesn’t love bacon? Bacon is salty and sweet. It’s chewy and crunchy. It improves almost every recipe you add it to. Sure, you’ve had bacon with your eggs and pancakes for breakfast, and you’ve enjoyed a juicy cheeseburger with a slice or two of bacon. But have you tried Bacon Guacamole? Cheesy Bacon Popcorn? A broiled Bacon Rueben with Swiss cheese and rye? Have you had warm Sauerkraut with bacon bits? Or Bacon/Apple/Brie Sandwiches? My current favorite way to serve bacon is in a BLT. I toast two slices of honey wheat bread and fry a couple of bacon slices until they’re ALMOST crispy. Then I drain the bacon and spread mayo on the bread. Add a little Romaine and a sliced tomato fresh from the garden and you’re in business!

One Dozen Butterflies

 

“Our loving Heavenly Father has given us covenants so that we may have access to all that He has in store for us. These sacred blessings from God are more delicious than any earthly fruit. They can be preserved for us forever, becoming fruit that remains, as we are faithful to our covenants. I testify that God has restored the authority to bind on earth and in heaven. That authority is found in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. It is held by the First Presidency and Quorum of the Twelve and is exercised under the direction of President Russell M. Nelson. Those who enter into the new and everlasting covenant of marriage and keep that covenant can become perfected and eventually receive the fulness of the glory of the Father, regardless of circumstances beyond their control.” – Elder Matthew L. Carpenter

Two Squash Blossoms

 

Beans with Onions and Zucchini

 

2 red onions, thinly sliced

1 zucchini, halved and thinly sliced

2 cloves garlic, finely chopped

2 tablespoons tomato paste

30 ounces large canned beans, like butter beans or limas

1/2 cup heavy cream

2 tablespoons grated parmesan

2 tablespoons capers

Handful fresh basil leaves

 

In a large frying pan, sauté onions and zucchini in 2 tablespoons olive oil for about 10 minutes. Stir in garlic and tomato puree; cook about two more minutes. Pour in beans and liquid, then add cream, parmesan and capers. Simmer about five more minutes, then top with basil leaves. Add salt and pepper to taste, and serve with a crusty baguette.

Navy Blue Dress

 

Musicians Jacob and Pauline moved to Germany from Latvia in 1928. Under his stage name, Yasha Lenssen, Jacob worked at a Berlin opera house. Eventually, the opera house discovered Jacob’s real name was Levinsons; and Jacob’s contract was terminated. When their daughter Hessy was born, the Levinsons family was scraping by in a small, cramped Berlin apartment. Hessy was their pride and joy. Jacob and Pauline scrimped and saved to have her photograph taken as a memento they could frame and display on the family piano. Hitler had recently come into power, and he decided to hold a contest to find an ideal example of the "master race." Photographers were encouraged to submit baby pictures. Out of 100 entries, Hessy’s photo was chosen. The “perfect” Aryan child was a Latvian Jew. If the truth had come out, Hessy and her family would surely have been killed. But their friends and neighbors kept the secret until the Levinsons’ were able to flee the country.

Thirteen Crabs

 

I haven’t eaten at Red Lobster in years. Even when I ate there, I never actually had lobster. I don’t even know how much it costs. I guess I figured if two muffins at Mimi’s are nearly $9, and if a burger without fries or a drink at Five Guys is over $13, then lobster is probably way out of my league. Last week at the Red Lobster in Layton, employees noticed one of the lobsters in their tank was an egg-bearing female. The tank should only have held males, as females are protected by law. The employees called corporate headquarters, and within a few days, momma crustacean and her 10,000 offspring were back in the Atlantic. Before release, the lobster’s tail was notched to mark her as a breeder, so she won’t end up on anyone’s table. Suddenly, I’m hungry for hot cheddar biscuits and chowder. I’ll check the sofa cushions for change before I go.

Catch As You Can

The ceramics teacher announced he was dividing the class into two groups. Those on the left side of the studio would be graded on the quantity of work produced, those on the right on its quality. The final day of class, he’d weigh the work of the “quantity” group: fifty pounds of pots rated an “A”, forty pounds a “B”, and so on. Those being graded on “quality”, however, needed to produce only one perfect pot to get an “A”. Come grading time, a curious fact emerged: the best work was produced by the group being graded for quantity. While the “quantity” group was busily churning out piles of work – and learning from their mistakes – the “quality” group sat theorizing about perfection, and had little more to show for their efforts. Moral of the story: If you’re stuck overthinking, waiting for inspiration, what you need to do is just show up. Do work. And keep showing up.

Aloe Vera

 

Chances are you’ll spend 33 years of your life in your bedroom, but it’s likely to be the room you neglect the most. You’re not apt to entertain guests in there (at least, I hope not), and you probably don’t often see it in broad daylight unless you’re ill. So, chances are your bedroom is overdue for a reset, top to bottom. First, run a feather duster around the perimeter of the ceiling, and over any ceiling fan/light fixture up there. Then, completely strip the bed and launder the bed linens. Don’t immediately replace your sheets; instead, let your mattress air out for a few hours at least. If your mattress is the kind you can flip, now’s the time to do it. Dust every surface. Polish windows and mirrors. Vacuum the floor and any upholstery, and replace the bedding. Enjoy a good night’s rest on clean sheets, in a fresh room.

Nine Butterflies

 

“If it was wisdom for Lehi and his family to have the scriptures, it is just as wise for us today. The great worth and spiritual power of the scriptures continue undimmed in our lives today. There has never been a people in history with the access to the Book of Mormon and other scriptures that we enjoy today. Yes, Lehi and his family were blessed to carry the brass plates with them, but they didn’t have a copy for every tent! The most important copy of the Book of Mormon is our personal copy. It is the copy that we read. It is my prayer that reading the Book of Mormon this year will be a joy and a blessing for each of us and will draw us ever nearer to the Savior.” – President Mark L. Pace

Squash Blossom

 

My two oldest kids were working at the Draper McDonald’s. At the time, Mickey D's stood between a dairy, a cornfield, and a pig farm. My two youngest kids were out bowling with friends. I was uncharacteristically home alone, filling the time between washing up after lunch and starting dinner by making a batch of plum jam. I’d opened the kitchen door for a moment, and noticed the sunny day had grown suddenly dark. The weather looked worse to the north, where the sky was a sickly green color. It reminded me of something I’d read: that water droplets in storm clouds can absorb red light and radiate green. Later we heard on the news an F2 tornado - there have only been two in this county in my lifetime – had cut a swath through downtown Salt Lake, shredding roofs, smashing windows and pulling up trees as it went. Tomorrow it will have been a quarter of a century.

Red Dress

 

I learned to ride a bike at age eight. Not long afterward I started begging my parents and grandparents for THE bike. Not the one I had; the one I NEEDED. A Schwinn with a banana seat and high-rise handlebars. It even had tassels. It was beyond cool, and I couldn’t be cool without one. Nearly six decades have passed, and I only learned this year why I wanted one so badly. Captain Kangaroo peddled (See what I did there?) Schwinn bikes on his television show all through the 60’s. Between visiting Mister Green Jeans, waking Grandfather Clock and getting ping-pong balls dumped on his head, the captain would show off THE bike and proclaim it “the best.” I was older than his target audience, but back then households had one TV: what one of us watched, we all watched. Eventually, I got that bike. But, as I learned from another 60’s TV show, having isn’t always as pleasing as wanting.

One Dozen Crabs

 

I wander around on the Internet (no one could reasonably call what I do surfing) and occasionally find a gem worth sharing: a story about some woman who recovered her long-lost wedding ring in her carrot bed, or a pet returned to its loving family after years on the street. But I’ll probably never find anything as amazing as what Adam Busiakiewicz stumbled upon last month. Adam is an art historian and consultant for the auction house Sotheby’s. Adam was browsing photos on X (formerly known as Twitter) and noticed a painting with an unusual arched top in the background of a photo of a reception at Shire Hall. It was a portrait of King Henry VIII; one of a series of 22 portraits commissioned in the 1590s. Only a handful of the original 22 have survived, and until Adam’s discovery, it was considered by the art world to be among those lost. 

Union Square

For as long as people have traveled the seas, others have tried to make their journeys safer by lighting bonfires on hilltops. The first actual lighthouses – probably built by ancient Greeks and Romans – were towers or ramps to elevate the signal fires. The oldest surviving lighthouse in the United States is the Sandy Hook Lighthouse in New Jersey. It was built in 1764 by a coalition of 43 prominent New York merchants, hoping to ensure the safe arrival of their shipments. Lighthouses were vital to maritime navigation for thousands of years before the development of electronic navigational systems like GPS, radar beacons, and buoys. They’re no longer needed to guide ships past treacherous waters or through fog and storm. But they’re beautiful reminders of simpler times. Some have been repurposed as homes or vacation destinations. August 7 is National Lighthouse Day; a good day to book a lighthouse tour, or just read a book about lighthouses.

One Dozen Red and Green Log Cabins

 

Mango Shrimp Tacos

 

2 large mangoes, peeled, pitted and chopped

1 cup chopped red onion

4 tablespoons chopped fresh cilantro (0ptional)

2 teaspoons sugar

1 lime, juiced

1/4 teaspoon chili powder

 

Combine these six ingredients to make fresh mango salsa. Set aside.

 

1/2 cup butter

1 cup honey

2 tablespoons seasoned salt or lemon pepper

2 pounds frozen medium shrimp

 

Melt butter and stir in honey and seasoned salt or lemon pepper. Thaw shrimp and cut in half. Heat 1/4 honey/butter mixture in a frying pan until bubbly and then add 1/4 of shrimp to pan, stirring until shrimp is cooked through.

 

Assembly order:

 

Flour tortillas

Shredded cheddar

Cooked shrimp

Fresh lime juice

Mango Salsa

Sour Cream

 

Serve with black beans and brown rice.

Eight Butterflies

 

“I’ve been blessed to feel peace every time I enter the sacred temple. I recall the first day I walked into the Salt Lake Temple. I was a young man. I looked up at a high white ceiling that made the room so light it seemed almost as if it were open to the sky. In that moment, the thought came into my mind in clear words: ‘I’ve been in this place before.’ But then immediately there came into my mind, not in my own voice, these words: ‘No, you’ve never been here before. You’re remembering a moment before you were born. You were in a sacred place like this where the Lord could come.’ Brothers and sisters, I humbly testify as we attend the temple, we can be reminded of the eternal nature of our spirits, our relationship with the Father and His divine Son, and our ultimate desire to return to our heavenly home.” – President Henry B. Eyring

Six Red Log Cabins

 

For ages, I’ve dreamed of living IN Disneyland; of waking up in the happiest place on earth, and of being part of the magic. Impossible, I know, but for one couple, that dream was a reality for sixteen years. In 1950, Owen and Dolly Pope were told Walt Disney had seen their horse show at Los Angeles’ Pan Pacific Auditorium, and that he wanted their help with a big new project he was planning. They assumed the “big new project” was a movie requiring horse trainers and handlers. Instead, it was a theme park. Owen and Dolly managed the pony farm – later called the Circle D Corral – ten acres of land behind Frontierland where Disneyland’s horses lived. The Circle D stables were torn down in 2016 to make room for Galaxy’s Edge. But the Popes’ 1,300-square-foot bungalow was moved to a different backstage area in a parking lot off Ball Road, where it’s occasionally used for special events. 

Purple Dress

 

Last time we made these kabobs, the meat was perfect: juicy and tender inside, lightly seared out. But most of the veggies were a bit underdone. Next time, I’ll do all-meat and all-veg skewers.

 

Beef Kabobs

 

1 1/2 pounds beef tri-tip

3 bell peppers (We used red, yellow and green.)

1 large red onion

1 zucchini

16 button mushrooms

1 teaspoon minced garlic

1 teaspoon onion powder

2 1/2 tablespoons soy sauce

2 tablespoons Worcestershire

2 tablespoons balsamic vinegar

1 tablespoon vegetable oil

1/4 teaspoon black pepper

 

Cut beef into 1 1/2” cubes. Cut peppers, onion and zucchini into similar sizes; cover and set aside. In a small bowl, stir together last 7 ingredients to make marinade. Marinate beef in refrigerator at least 20 minutes. Thread meat and vegetables loosely on skewers. (If you’re using wooden or bamboo skewers, soak them in water first.) Brush loaded skewers with reserved marinade. Grill over high heat, turning, until slightly charred. 

Nine Crabs

 

Hollywood Squares (1966-2004) was a Q&A tic-tac-toe game. It was designed to be informative, but the wrong answers were what made it fun.

When making a parachute jump, how high should you be?

Charlie Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

True or false? A pea can last 5,000 years.

George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes

You're having trouble sleeping. Are you a man or a woman?

Don Knotts: That's what's keeping me awake

If you meet a stranger at a party and think he’s attractive, is it okay ask if he's married?

Rose Marie: No. Wait until morning.

In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say I love you?

Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.

Can boys join the campfire girls?

Marty Allen: Only after lights out.

Why do Hell's Angels wear leather?

Paul Lynde: Chiffon wrinkles too easily.