Four Baskets

 

I often find these odd sentences while reading headlines aloud. They’re called “Garden Path” sentences, because they're misleading. For a second or two, you think they’re grammatically incorrect, and then you realize the error was yours. A classic example of this is, “The old man the boat.” When you see the first three words, you assume “man” is the subject, and there is no verb. But really, “man” is the verb. The subject is “old.” Here are some more:

The horse raced past the barn fell.

The florist sent the flowers was pleased.

The cotton clothing is made of grows in Mississippi.

We painted the wall with cracks.

The man who hunts ducks out on weekends.

When Fred eats food gets thrown.

Mary gave the child the dog bit a Band-Aid.

The girl told the story cried.

Fat people eat accumulates.

That Jill is never here hurts.

The man who whistles tunes pianos.

Five Apples

 

In 2002, nineteen-year-old Michael Carroll, a part-time binman (garbage collector) from Norfolk won £9,736,131 in the National Lottery. He tried opening a bank account, but was refused because of a teenage shoplifting conviction. He set up a £3.9 million investment bond, and was meant to live off the interest it generated. But that would have taken more self-restraint than Michael possessed. He began using the principle within a year, and huge penalty fees were deducted. Michael gave lavish gifts to friends and family, bought new homes, drugs, parties, jewelry and cars. When bored, he staged amateur demolition derbies or launched steel balls from a catapult at nearby cars and businesses. In no time at all, the money was gone. In 2010, he reapplied for his old job as a binman. He has no regrets about the way he spent his winnings. These days, Michael bikes everywhere (he’s banned from driving) and works in a cookie factory. 

Basket

 

This week I learned about RAS Syndrome. It’s a phrase that uses an acronym (or another initialism) along with one or more of the words that make up an acronym (or other initialism). One example of this is ATM machine. Since ATM stands for Automated Teller Machine, we really don’t need to add the word “machine” at the end of it. When someone refers to a PIN number or VIN number, that’s redundant, too. PIN is an abbreviation for Personal Identification Number, and VIN means Vehicle Identification Number. So why do we add the word “number”? Some other RAS Syndrome victims include: LCD (Liquid Crystal Display) Display, OPEC (Organization of the Petroleum Exporting Countries) Countries, UPC (Universal Product Code) Code, HIV (Human Immunodeficiency Virus) Virus and DC (Detective Comics) Comics. Since RAS stands for Redundant Acronym Syndrome, the term RAS Syndrome is itself an example of RAS Syndrome.

Nine Pinwheels

 

People have been brushing their teeth with concoctions meant to keep them clean and healthy for a long, long time. Ancient Egyptians used a mixture of crushed rock salt, mint, dried iris flowers and pepper. No, really. It sounds unpleasant, but it was probably pretty effective – maybe even more effective than what you used this morning. Toothpaste is very foamy. All those little bubbles leave you with the impression you’ve cleaned your teeth well when you haven’t. The minty flavor numbs your tongue so you feel cleaner than you really are. That long, wavy blob you see covering the bristles in toothpaste commercials? It’s WAY more toothpaste than you need. You should be using a blot no bigger than a pea. Better yet, dry brush until you feel and taste clean, then brush with a dot of toothpaste, and rinse. And if you want to avoid bad breath, remember to brush your tongue.

Red/Black Lady of the Lake

 

“The gospel is simply beautiful and beautifully simple. The world is not. It is complicated, complex, and filled with turmoil and strife. We are blessed as we exercise care not to allow complexity, so common in the world, to enter into the way we receive and practice the gospel.” – Gary E. Stevenson

“Love of God is the first great commandment in the universe. But the first great truth in the universe is that God loves us exactly that way now—wholeheartedly, without reservation or compromise, with all of His heart, might, mind, strength.” – Jeffrey R. Holland

“Some people argue that Jesus ‘loves me just as I am’ and that is certainly true. But he cannot take any of us into his kingdom just as we are, ‘for no unclean thing can dwell there, or dwell in his presence.’ Our sins must first be resolved.” – D. Todd Christofferson

Four Ovens

 

“The world is increasingly designed to depress us. Happiness isn’t good for the economy. If we were happy with what we had, why would we need more? How do you sell an anti-ageing moisturizer? You make someone worry about ageing. How do you get people to vote for a political party? You make them worry about immigration. How do you get them to buy insurance? By making them worry about everything. How do you get them to have plastic surgery? By highlighting their physical flaws. How do you get them to watch a TV show? By making them worry about missing out. How do you get them to buy a new smartphone? By making them feel like they are being left behind. To be calm becomes a kind of revolutionary act. To be happy with your own non-upgraded existence. To be comfortable with our messy, human selves, would not be good for business.” – Matt Haig, Reasons to Stay Alive

Blue/Green Lady of the Lake

 

In 1985, Keith Byrne (age ten) and his best friend Noel Murray (thirteen) were bored with Dublin and ready for adventure. Their favorite American TV show was “The A-Team,” and they dreamed of meeting their favorite actor, Mr. T. So, they cooked up a plot as bold and implausible as anything they’d seen on the telly. As they went out to play, Keith’s mum said, “Don’t go too far, dinner’s almost ready.” Keith promised not to. Keith lied. They took the Dart to Dún Laoghaire and then sneaked onto a ferry to Holyhead. They dodged ticket checkers on the train to London. Before long they were at Heathrow Airport with nothing in their pockets but coins they’d nicked from a fountain. They got on a flight to New York by telling security their parents were behind them. They weren’t caught until they asked a New York cop for directions. Don’t you love it when a plan comes together?