Kansas Star

A Canadian on vacation walks into a Texas bar. He climbs onto a very tall barstool and says to the bartender, "I heard things are big down here in Texas, but this is ridiculous!" He orders a mug of beer. The bartender serves him a pitcher of beer by mistake. The Canadian says to the bartender, "Man, I heard that things are big down here in Texas, but this is ridiculous!” He downs the pitcher, orders another, and empties it, too. Not too much later the Canadian asks, “Where is your washroom?" The bar tender says, "Down the hall, second door on the right." So the man climbs off the huge barstool, stumbles along the hall and enters the second door to the LEFT. Here he falls into an enormous swimming pool. Struggling to stay afloat, The Canadian screams, "DON'T FLUSH IT!"

Nine Blue Daisies

I’ve had LOTS of trouble with these blocks. Daisy Chain is a nine-patch, which means it’s drawn on a 3x3 grid. If it was a 12” finished block, the blue squares would be cut 4 1/2” and the little yellow squares 2 1/2”. If the block was 9”, they would have been cut 3 1/2” and 2”. But these had to be 8” blocks. One third of 8 is a repeating number: 2.66666 and so on. Add two scant quarter-inch seam allowances, and you get – well, I’m not really sure, but I know my down-to-an-eighth-of-an-inch rulers won’t measure it. I cut a piece of cardstock 8x8” and folded it equal thirds. I added a seam allowance on each side and used it as a template for the larger squares. A piece half that size (plus seam allowances) made the template for the little squares. The finished product isn’t perfect, but it’s close enough.

Pineapple Tulip

When you plant a garden, you’re usually thinking of this season’s flowers or this autumn’s vegetables. But sometimes what we plant lives beyond that; even beyond the gardener. Our house was built in 1998, along with most of the homes in our neighborhood. But the neighbors west of our little subdivision were here decades before that. One of them planted tulips in her front garden, years before she passed away. Her widower joined her some time ago. The house stands empty, waiting for the bulldozer to make room for a new mortuary. But this spring the bulbs she planted put on a brave display among the thick weeds and fallen cottonwood branches. It’s possible that next year the only flowers there will be funeral sprays. But if they’re not dug up or paved over, those tulips will continue to bloom where they were planted.

Grey Desert Wind

Our home was just a few blocks south of University Mall when the Mervyn’s store was built there in 1981. We were frequent mall visitors in those days. In good weather I walked there and back with my two preschoolers. Their dad was still attending BYU; most of the regular prices at Mervyn’s didn’t fit our budget. But they did have nice sales. We routinely picked up sheets, towels, socks and pajamas there at less than half their original price. Mervyn’s filed for bankruptcy and was liquidated in 2008, and the University Mall store has been vacant ever since. This month the former anchor was finally demolished to make way for a new park. “A mall needs to reinvent itself every 17 to 20 years. Mervyns served us well for 27 years,” said Orem mayor Richard Brunst. “Today the wind is blowing, and Mervyns is blowing away for a new park. This is exciting.”

Four Blue Daisies

My garden looks terrific - in my head, at any rate. While cleaning up the mess that winter left behind, I discovered several volunteer onions. I decided to leave them and see what they’ll do. Last year’s thyme is doing well, as is the parsley. The mint, though, is having delusions of grandeur. I’ve given it fair warning: if it doesn’t stop trying to take over the whole space, it will find itself transplanted to a pot on the deck. The rosemary technically survived the winter, but it looked so sickly I chose to put it out of its misery. That leaves room for a few heirloom tomatoes (I’ve had bad luck with them, but never stop hoping), elephant garlic, dill, bell peppers, carrots, lavender, basil, sage, daikon (I'm eager to try a recipe for carrot/daikon salad I found on the Food Network), oregano and a fresh new rosemary plant. Wish me luck!