How to Walk a Human: A Dog’s Guide
1.
Humans need exercise. If they don't get enough,
they can become chubby. It's up to you to save them.
2.
Allow your human to tether themselves to you.
This keeps them from wondering off or running away.
3.
Your human will probably need breaks, Be
considerate. Stop and sniff often.
4.
Bark frequently for no apparent reason. Humans
have short attention spans.
5.
When you go to the bathroom, walk away. If you
have trained your human correctly, they will clean it up. It’s good aerobics!
6.
Periodically drag your human as fast as you can.
This is called interval training.
7.
Do not allow your human to shorten the walk.
They are just being lazy. Sit in protest if you must.
8.
Once you return home, allow your human to remove
their tether, then lick their face many times. This is reinforcement for a job
well done.
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