Double Cross

 

A friend shared these with me just in time for Mother’s Day. She didn’t know the source, and neither do I. But they made me laugh, so I’m sharing them with you. Mothering is hard work. We can use all the laughs we can get.

 

Things my mother taught me:

RELIGION: "You better pray that comes out of the carpet."

TIME TRAVEL: "Keep it up, and I’ll knock you into the middle of next week!"

LOGIC: "Because I said so, that's why."

FORESIGHT: "Wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

IRONY: "Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."

OSMOSIS: "Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"

CONTORTIONISM: "LOOK at the dirt on the back of your neck!"

WEATHER: "It looks like a tornado swept through your room."

THE CIRCLE OF LIFE: "I brought you into this world. I can take you out."

ENVY: "Lots of kids don't have wonderful parents like yours!"